So on Christmas Day I was driving back home from seeing the family and I noticed a cop hiding out along the highway doing a speed trap. Like we all do upon seeing one, I immediately turned down Weird Al's "Bad Hair Day (track 7 I believe it was, "Gump") which I was belting along too, and kept my eyes glued to rearview. Please tell me this clown wasn't going to pull out after me. These troopers were out in full force too, just waiting to ruined someone's holiday. Couldn't they take one day off from this shit? IT'S CHRISTMAS DAY! Unless they were put in place to only monitor like, Hassids, Buddhists, Jehovah's, or anyone else who doesn't observe this holiday (which I doubt), this seemed very anti-Christmas spirit. "F-ck cops!" I thought to myself.However, upon realizing my disgust towards the po-po, I also realized my disgust for......EVERYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD! While switching into the fast lane to get around a pickup truck leaking trash out the back, I found myself being tailgated by a father with his family who apparently thought he was racing on the Nascar speedway. This, no good, Tony Soprano looking buffoon, I saw shrugging while mouthing the word "Asshole!"(Well I'm sure he wasn't mouthing it but actually saying it aloud). He then, like Vin Diesel in the Fast & Furious, swerved around me doing at least 80 and cruised off into the distance. I did my usual and applauded him sarcastically as he passed, "Ahh What a big man you are!", in Al Pacino voice. This guy was a total maniac! Now where were these damn cops when you needed them?!
That's my rant, *fart, now enjoy "Gump":
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