Fur Revenge!

There are a few things in this world that totally disgust me.  Okay, well a lot more than a few, but to name a couple, loud car stereo's blasting reggaeton, and fur coats.  Let's talk about fur coats. I am not sure what compels a person to buy one.  I am also not sure how said person can not see how cruel it is to kill multiple animals just to make a really dumb looking coat.  I feel like it is a way for snobby rich people to show off their money.
I decided it was up to me to exact some sort of revenge, while at the same time letting them know how disgusting fur is. While I didn't have the time, skills or mental illness necessary to find some of these people and make a skin coat out of them,  I figured a harmless prank would have to suffice. 

Here is where I respond to two different ads from people selling their fur items, and attempt to intermingle them to create an awkward situation. (Unfortunately, seller #1 was not the actual fur owner, but it still made for a humorous situation)

Ad one:
"Used Old Fur coats 1960s-70s Brown White Black and two tan fur hats. You can buy all 3 or $125 a coat and $50 a hat..
Coats appear to be in good condition please message for further details Thanks"

fur seller, Daily Weirdo
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Hello,

Interested in your ad, I'm a collector. Especially interested in the hats... what type of fur is it?

Thanks!
Ed

Ed, honestly not sure, found when cleaning up in my grand ma's house. Your more then welcome to take a look Thanks Jim 631-555-5555

Oh, well if they were sitting in a closet or attic for a while, chances are they have fur mites...I'd be careful.

You know...I actually know a guy that handles fur mites.  He may be able to get them cleaned up for you.  Let me know if you want his contact info.

 They were in a storage bag Never heard of the mites what would it cost for that? Jim

Oh okay, it would depend on if there were any holes in the bags.  These things can squeeze through a pinhole basically though.  This guy is pretty reasonable, I think he charges under a dollar for each mite he finds. Other people price it differently, but you usually come out better the way this guy does it.

Sorry to keep emailing you, but I ran into Mike (the fur mite guy) last night while I was out with my wife.  I mentioned your problem and he said he'd be more than happy to take a look.  This guy will know within 2 minutes if you have a problem or not, and doesn't charge for his time.  I told him I'd pass the word along...

Jim,
 Haven't heard back.  I talked to Mike again about an hour ago, he asked about you. He is going to have his assistant Christine contact you tmrw around 1 to set up a time to inspect the fur coats and hats.  If they are mite free, I will definitely take them off your hands. Goodluck!

Talk soon, 
Ed
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Ad #2, Enter "Christine"...

"Selling a genuine MINK jacket with hood. EXCELLENT condition. The hood is stringed with two FOX balls at the end. Bought last Summer from MACY'S FUR VAULT but did not get to wear much due to pregnancy. Size Small/Medium. Fits someone size 8-12! Beautiful two-toned brown color. No holes or rips. Serious buyers please. If interested, email me ASAP. "




Hello,

I saw your ad on craigslist about the jacket.  My wife is a collector and she would love this...let me know if it's still available!

Thanks,Ed

Yes, it it still available

Perfect, maybe I'll surprise the wife with it, I think it's her size. When I get home from work I will take a peak at her coats and check to make sure.  She has quite the collection, I should snap a pic for ya.  She actually used to work on a mink farm when we lived in Wisconsin doing electrocution and such, that's where she acquired most of her coats.
Anyways, do you have a number where I can reach you once I know on the size?

Yes, ok. 646-555-5555
Are you located in NYC????

Yeah we relocated to the city now, upper east side to be closer to some of my family.  It's too bad because the only farm out here is Sky High which is over in Chittenango. My wife won't work there because I guess now they just use gas on the mink, and she was more into electrocution.  She's an old school girl ya know.  Whereabouts are you located?

I work down by the financial district.
Well, let me know if your still interested and maybe we can meet tomorrow

Okay that sounds good Christine.  I'm getting off work now and will check the sizes when I am home.  I might prefer to just email you back, I don't want the wife to suspect anything(she is home before me) and if I'm sneaking off to make a phone call, I don't want to be interrogated about it after haha!

Lol. Ok

Sorry it took so long to get back, we ended up having a nice night out.  You wouldn't happen to know how many minks the jacket is made from do you?  I remembered how that's important to her, kind of like thread counts with bedsheets haha.  The size should be perfect also.

That, I'm not sure of. Im sorry.
Hope you're still interested in the jacket

Oh alright, it wouldn't say it on the tag would it?  I think it's usually 35-55, hoping for the latter.  Anyways, my wife is going to get a kick out of the fox testicles on the hood strings, so maybe I'll just go for it.   Do you have the jacket with you today?

No, I will bring it tomorrow so please let me know for sure. I can check tonight when I get home for the fur information

Yes, more than likely will take it, but just let me know once you check the tags tonight.

Ok...

Hi Ed, the tab only says Genuine Fur and the furry balls at the end of the strings are fox.

Hope that helps

Okay, so it is at least 35 minks and a fox, that should be enough for her.  What time are you looking to meet up tmrw?

Ok.
Well, I take lunch at 1. Do you work close in the area of Wall Street??

Yes, right over on Nassua.  Unfortunately looking at my schedule tmrw, I am pretty swamped around that time, but I can send my assistant Jim to meet you.  Give him a call when you go on break and he can go meet you wherever is convenient 631-555-5555 (phone number from ad#1, if you didn't get that)
 Thanks Christine!Ed

Are you sure because I'm right off Nassau and I can meet you anytime..

Yeah, it's fine, I'll have to keep him busy tmrw anyways!  :)

Ok!


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Now unfortunately here is where you must use your imagination to picture the situation the next day.  Christine brings big fur coat into work with her, then calls Jim, who hearing the name Christine thinks he is being harassed about this fur mite situation and becomes angry.  Then Christine must clarify she is meeting him to SELL a coat to his boss, Ed. Mass confusion follows...